


every scrap would be taken from me

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dare Me, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Morally Ambiguous Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:00:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28200546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: With the new coach's appearance, Donghyuck for the first time in his life has secrets to keep. From his friends, from his might-be-boyfriend, and from himself.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 17
Collections: Anonymous





	every scrap would be taken from me

**Author's Note:**

> i tried to base this on my own experiences while still sticking to the dare me vibe, and this result was this ? 
> 
> the background stuff doesn't make much sense, probably. please mind the trigger warnings.

The dance studio was tucked away behind the main campus, hiding among some trees and an old statue of a man in a long coat that was not decipherable anymore. “It’s the grim reaper showing us the road to hell.” Jaemin had said one day. Donghyuck felt a strange sense of camaraderie as his gaze strayed to the rest of what remained of the statue’s face - everything bled out of it until there was only a sad-looking mouth left. _Naïve little Donghyuckie, do you really still believe in ghosts?_ Jaemin’s laugh echoed through his head.

He could hear voices as soon as he stepped into the building, the door to the changing room wide open. It wasn’t like anyone else but them came here at this hour. It wasn’t like anyone else came here at all.

“Oh, Donghyuck, how lovely of you to bless us with your presence _,”_ Jaemin drawled. So, he was still upset that Donghyuck didn’t answer his calls earlier. Not like he expected any differently.

“I haven’t heard a sign of life from you. I was starting to get worried that you hit your pretty little head somewhere and were bleeding to death.”

He drew his arm around Donghyuck’s shoulders and pulled their heads together, barely a breath between them as he whispered, “We wouldn’t want a repeat of last time do we.” His eyes were alight and Donghyuck knew it only took the smallest spark to unleash the fire.

“Calm the fuck down,” Donghyuck shook his arm off. “I would never let the team down like that. You need me to nail the new choreography.”

“Don’t remind me. I can already hear the counting in my sleep,” Jungwoo groaned, propping his foot on one of the benches, “ _seven-and-eight,_ and then it starts again and again.”

“It’s your bad conscience, _hyung_ ” Chenle cooed. “It’s saying you should spend more of your Friday nights practicing instead of spreading your legs.”

“That’s brave.” Jaemin smiled teeth gleaming, ready to sink into flesh. “Considering I haven’t seen you keep up with the rhythm once. Or is it the malnourishment that’s making you too dizzy?”

“And the bitch fight has already begun,” Jeno laughed, walking through the door. “Now, now, calm down I bring exciting news.”

Their heads turned around in sync, a pleased smile on Jaemin’s face as he linked his arm with Donghyuck’s. _We’re still one and the same_ , it said. _You still belong to me_ , it said.

“I just met the new coach,” Jeno announced.

“And? Don’t tell me you think he’s hot or something.” Renjun scoffed.

“Sure, he’s hot.” Jeno shrugged. “ _And_ he took the last team he choreographed for to nationals.”

Whistling and murmuring could be heard throughout the room, but Jaemin just lifted a brow, his sharp shoulder blades pressing against Donghyuck. Two sides of the same coin, holding their ground against the ridiculousness of the world.

“And _why_ would he pick us of all people?” Jaemin grinned to himself, “I bet he has some dirty little secret. Something he’s running from. People only come here when they want to disappear.”

The new coach didn’t look like he wanted to disappear. In fact, he looked like he was exactly where he was meant to be – in the center of attention. He couldn’t be much older than them, his sharp eyes hiding behind round glasses and taut muscles spanning underneath his shirt.

The new coach smiled when he spotted them entering the practice room and the first words his deep voice carried through the room were the announcement that they wouldn’t have a captain from now on. Everyone froze, glancing at Jaemin to gauge his reaction. His grip around Donghyuck’s shoulder got tighter and he giggled amusedly into his ear, “We will see about that.”

“His name is Song Minjun. He’s 28 years old, won nationals with his team two times until he got his bachelor a few years back and quit competitions, only working as a choreographer for successful dance teams since then. Squeakily clean.” Jaemin proclaimed while he was pressing Donghyuck’s leg towards his head. The stretch burning through his muscles, Donghyuck huffed. He didn’t need to question how Jaemin knew this. It was Jaemin.

“Maybe he really is just looking for a break. Some peace and quiet.”

“Oh Donghyuckie,” Jaemin cooed, “it’s never just that easy. I will figure him out sooner than he can run from this town again.”

Practice lasted a brutal 3 hours and Donghyuck couldn’t feel his feet anymore by the time Coach turned off the music.

“Well, that was disappointing.” He said, assessing the boys before him. “I will be expecting more from each and every one of you. You either learn to keep up with this or I will have to kick you off the team. The time for slacking off is over,” He took a deliberate pause to card his fingers through his short black hair. “In two weeks, I will decide who will get to have the solo, I expect everyone who wants to compete for it to take practice more seriously than your own life.”

“Than our life?” Jaemin laughed. “Sorry coach but you got the wrong team here. All we care about are eyes on our asses and how far we can stretch our legs in bed.” 

Jaemin batted his eyelashes and the room erupted in laughter.

“Besides, Jaemin always gets the solo part” Renjun piped up, lazily stretching his arms until the hem of his shirt rose up. 

“This isn’t high school anymore.” Coach replied coldly. “I don’t care about what you do in your free time. I don’t care about _you_. All I care about is what you show me on the stage. I’m not here to play your childish games. I will work you down to your bones and when you think you couldn’t possibly go further; I will break you completely apart and build you anew. _That’s_ what it means to dance, to tear apart at the seams because you’re giving more than you’re physically capable of. _That’s_ what it takes to rise above yourself, to _win.”_

“And you,” his eyes zeroed in on the stretch of Renjun’s skin, “fix that. I want you all in top condition or I don’t want you at all. You’re dismissed.”

Everyone was hurrying to get dressed in the changing room, longing to return to their dorms and take a shower in peace. The sound of locker doors hitting the metal and bottles screwed opened interrupted by laughter and voices.

Renjun was sobbing in the background, his face ashen. “He can’t do that, can he?” he kept asking.

And he shouldn’t, should he? Coach shouldn’t be pressuring someone to lose weight like that, all the lectures on the dangers of eating disorders flashing before Donghyuck’s eyes. Posts on the internet with sickly thin girls hanging over their toilets, pictures of hair falling out, blood vessels popping. And then he thought of himself - of days where his stomach tried to eat himself, of stars before his eyes, of passing out in the toilet stalls.

Coach shouldn’t, but of course, he would.

“Of course, he can,” Jisung answered, rolling his eyes. “We’ve been telling you to get rid of the baby fat, hyung _.”_

“Be careful or he’ll actually make himself throw up or something. Health above everything, am I right?” Jaemin cackled cruelly. “Even if that means you won’t even fit through the practice room door anymore. And you have such a pretty face, it’s such a shame.” Jaemin shook his head sadly, before breaking out in laughter again.

Shaking and looking nauseous, Renjun got up and hurried towards the bathroom. Hesitatingly Donghyuck followed after him, while in the background he could still vaguely hear Chenle talk about the new diet shakes he was trying.

“Renjun? Are you okay?”

He could hear retching come from one of the stalls and carefully he propped the door open with his foot.

Renjun looked like a total mess, kneeling in front of the toilet, one finger down his throat and drool running down his chin.

His red, glassy eyes focused on Donghyuck.

“Please help me.” He heaved out, still sobbing. “Kick me in the stomach. I have to get this out.”

And Donghyuck? Donghyuck kicked as hard as he could. Renjun would do the same for him.

His legs were still aching the next day and he was grateful when he managed to score a chair in the lecture hall. Trying to type notes on his laptop while not losing focus and falling asleep to Professor Kim’s monotonous, quiet voice was enough of a challenge on his own. Turned out luck and his lack of nutrition wasn’t on his side, because his head dropped, making painful contact with the desk.

“Oh, shit man are you okay?” The guy next to him asked with alarm tinting his voice, suddenly appearing in Donghyuck’s space.

“Mh yeah,” Donghyuck lifted his head, groaning when he felt intense pain stab through his skull.

“Dude I think you’re not fine,” the guy next to him protested. “Do you need to see a doctor?”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Donghyuck tried for a smile but the movement sent another spike of pain through him.

“If you’re sure…” the other still looked really worried, big eyes looking Donghyuck over for any injuries. “Maybe you should at least go home for now, take a rest.”

Donghyuck sighed. “I’m already behind on another class.”

“Hey if that’s the problem, I can totally share my notes with you.”

“You would do that?” Donghyuck tried to not sound too eager, but the prospect of returning to his bed made him want to sob in joy.

“Yeah, sure thing! Dude I’d feel a lot better knowing you’re at home and fine, rather than suffering through this with a headache. Professor Kim is already bad enough on his own.”

Why was this guy so nice? Maybe it was the lack of sleep but Donghyuck didn’t think strangers should be so kind at 8 am.

“You’re literally saving my life.” Donghyuck managed a small smile.

“Here, give me your email and I’ll send them to you later.” He offered his phone to Donghyuck. Nodding, Donghyuck quickly typed in his email address and thanked the other one more time, before rushing out of the lecture hall on the fastest way to his dorm room.

**_To:_** [**_dolee111@education.us_**](mailto:dolee111@education.us)

_Hey!! I hope this is the right person… You sat next to me in Prof. Kim’s lecture this morning and I offered to send you my notes? Hope you still remember haha._

_Also hope your headache is better! If not pls go see a doctor!!!_

_Oh I’m Mark btw haha_

_(notes.pdf)_

**_To:_ ** [ **_malee123@education.us_ ** ](mailto:malee123@education.us)

_hi! u have reached the right person jdfjhk_

_thank u sm again!!!_

_i’m better rlly nothing to worry abt :)_

_(i’m donghyuck)_

He had already completely forgotten the email exchange by the time he stopped at a café near campus for his daily dose of caffeine, so he was moderately surprised when someone behind him called out his name and he turned around to see that it was Mark. Who was… really pretty now that Donghyuck had some focus left in his head.

“Hey, I hope my notes were helpful? And you haven’t been hitting your head on any more tables?” He smiled jokingly.

Donghyuck had, actually. Not like he was going to admit that.

“I don’t plan to make it a hobby,” he laughed instead. “I’ve already had my fill of embarrassing myself in front of handsome strangers.”

“Well, I would suppose that handsome strangers don’t have anything against helping pretty acquaintances,” Mark replied, his ears turning red. God, he was cute. Donghyuck’s friends would eat him alive.

“Oh, we’re acquaintances already?” Donghyuck raised his eyebrows. “I don’t consider people acquaintances until I have shared a table with them, you know.” He smiled.

“Well, thankfully, there are a lot of empty tables here.”

“Yeah, isn’t that just a great coincidence?”

During the next practices they tried to pry more information out of coach, but the man would just shake his head, a thinly veiled amused smile on his lips.

He was like an enigma, a complete mystery that made them pause for the first time and think this one is different. Nothing like their old coach, who would let Jaemin reigned as he pleased and spent half the practices nodding off in the break room.

Jaemin only took this as a further challenge. He kept provoking coach, daring him to lose his cool façade.

And coach did almost once when after being 20 minutes late, Jaemin sauntered into the practice room still wearing his street clothes.

“Get dressed appropriately. And then it’s 20 suicides for you.” Coach had drawled, unimpressed.

“Oh coach, you see, I have a bit of a family history with suicide,” Jaemin had replied, eyes gleaming and teeth barred, “but you would know about that, wouldn’t you? So terribly boring these wrist-cutters I’ve always said, not exciting at all. At least spice it up a little, go out with a _baam_.” He opened his mouth, imitating the sound of a bomb exploding. Jisung opened his mouth in faux outrage, before doubling over laughing, the rest of them quickly joining in.

For a short second, something had flashed behind coach’s eyes. Then he just darkly thundered, “You’re off practice today, Na! Another stunt like this and you’ll be off the team. I hope you enjoy cleaning duty because you’re on for the next two weeks.”

Jaemin had just laughed to himself while putting his hands up and leaving the room, almost as if he got exactly what he wanted.

After practice ended that day Donghyuck took longer than usual in the changing room, careful to waste enough time stretching his limbs and organizing his clothes until everyone but him had left.

He knocked at the door to the break room, where he could see coach sitting and writing notes through the windowpane. Startled, coach looked up and called for him to enter.

“You should just give him the captain title back, you know.” Donghyuck said, leaning against the door, “he won’t stop until he gets what he wants.”

“Sadly for him, that’s not how I do things,” coach smiled. “The captain represents this team, he represents me. And I don’t think Jaemin is the right person for that.” Coach pursed his lips in thought, “How about you, Donghyuck? Don’t tell me you don’t want to stand in his place.”

Surprised, Donghyuck blinked. Him as the captain? It was the first time the possibility arose, and he could feel the want rush through him, the want to be respected, to be admired, to be feared. But this was not how Jaemin-and-Donghyuck worked, so he shook his head.

“I’m good. I’m only telling you this for your own interest. Jaemin is not someone you want to mess with.”

Coach laughed. A full belly laugh, that made the cold elegance bleeding from him and making him seem much younger than he was.

“I know boys like Jaemin, alright. I used to be like you, you know, watching from the background. But it is me who has made it this far,” His eyes studied Donghyuck and he smiled to himself. “It’s getting late. You have to get back to the dorms, right? It’s rather far from here, I can drive you.”

Sitting in coach’s car felt surreal. It was hard to console the intimidating man he knew from practice with someone who ate Hershey’s and listened to classical music over his car’s speakers.

“Ah to be young and in love, am I right?” Coach mused as they stopped at a red light and could see intertwined couples passing in front of them, “there must be someone you’re seeing, right? Someone like him,” he nodded towards a handsome man.

“No, not really,” Donghyuck admitted, a little embarrassed.

“Oh? How come?” Surprised, coach turned around to him. “You’re very pretty I’d be surprised if there wasn’t anyone interested. Or are you more of a no serious attachment guy,” Coach quirked an eyebrow, smiling, “When I was your age, I couldn’t possibly imagine myself settling for anyone.”

He laughed to himself.

It felt like Donghyuck got to see a side of coach that none of his teammates would believe he even possessed.

“Well, maybe there is someone I’m sort of seeing?” Donghyuck mumbled.

“Oh? Do I get to see a picture?” Coach smiled kindly, interested. Interested in Donghyuck’s love life, in what he was doing. This person who had proclaimed that he didn’t care about any of them at all.

Cheeks heating up, Donghyuck scrolled down his photo gallery until he found the picture he had taken of Mark last week, while he was standing in line at a café. 

Coach hummed appreciatively. “He’s very cute. I was very into guys like this when I was your age. Couldn’t wait to see how different they’d be in the bedroom.” Coach laughed, handing Donghyuck his phone back.

“We haven’t- It’s not like that!” Donghyuck protested, face red.

“Hey, that’s your business, alright,” Coach nodded, turning back to focus on driving since the light turned green, “I’m just saying maybe you should think about it.”

Being with Mark was easy. Easier than anything else that was happening in Donghyuck’s life – between classes, practice, and his friends he was stretched thin to the point he felt like he might burst any minute.

Mark was a welcome distraction from all of it. Even though he was stressed with work too, he never declined any of Donghyuck’s invitations to get coffee (and tea), excitedly chattering about his progress and letting Donghyuck listen to some of the compositions he was working on. It was the calmest and happiest Donghyuck got to be all week.

And yet he couldn’t stop thinking about coach’s words, about how approving he had been of Mark, how he couldn’t understand Donghyuck’s reluctance.

So, he kissed him. He let Mark deepen the kiss, let him pull Donghyuck down on his bed and his hands travel up his shorts.

He felt electrified, Mark melting into him and taking away all his worry, all his loneliness. The way his breath tickled Donghyuck’s neck while his touch set his skin aflame.

But through all of it, strangely, a voice in the back of his head kept asking if he felt different, if he felt loved.

Afterward he was only a little shaken up, the excitement and pride of what he had just done triumphing every other feeling. He could barely wait to tell coach about it, the only person who he could tell really. He was pleased with himself and the effect he had on boys and how easy it truly had been.

So the next time he stayed longer after practice to help coach move away the mats they had been using, he couldn’t help but proclaim, “I did it with Mark, like you said.”

“Who?” Coach had asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Mark Lee,“ Donghyuck repeated, confused. “I showed you his picture? You told me that I should sleep with him.”

Coach looked at him quietly.

“So was he worth it?” Donghyuck still wasn’t sure if he remembered their conversation.

“Did he open his mouth right away?” Coach asked.

At first, Donghyuck thought he must have misheard.

“Or did you make him work for it?” Coach grinned slyly.

“It wasn’t like that,” Donghyuck responded, suddenly uncomfortable. Was he making fun of him?

“So what was it like?” Coach smiled, infuriatingly patient like Donghyuck was a small child.

Donghyuck shook his head, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Okay,” Coach replied, easily. “You’re smart enough, Donghyuck. You don’t need my opinion.”

He gave Donghyuck a short wink as he waved him goodbye. Something only they shared. No one else would know about this. Not even Jaemin. This was between Coach and Donghyuck only. Something that differentiated him from all his other teammates.

Donghyuck had seen the ink staining Mark’s hands, had felt the callouses on his fingers when they moved along his skin – unmistakable proof that he has been practicing with his guitar, or violin, or something. He wondered what it was like to care that much. And then he thought about the numbness in his feet and the bruises on his legs and how Mark had looked at them knowingly and he wondered if everyone else was just pretending as much as he was. 

“There’s a hunger in you. You know that you’re talented but you’re holding yourself back. Why?” Coach had asked him a few days ago after practice, brows furrowed as if Donghyuck was a puzzle he couldn’t solve. As if Donghyuck was something he _wanted_ to figure out. Donghyuck could feel himself basking in the attention, breathing it in as if he needed it to survive.

“I know about you and Jaemin. The number one and his shadow. Why do you continue to let yourself be put into the background like that?”

Because no one gets it, Donghyuck wanted to say. No one understood him-and-Jaemin, the well-oiled machine, something that would always fit together. Since the first day Donghyuck walked into a practice room and Jaemin decided they would be friends, their future had been set. Jaemin had slashed the tires of the girl that had made fun of Donghyuck’s soft thighs and Donghyuck in turn keyed the car of the teacher that dared to confront Jaemin about it. From that point, there had been no turning back for either of them.

“No one has ever seen me before,” he replied instead.

Coach smiled as if Donghyuck had given the right answer. “Then we will make sure that they won’t have a choice but to look.”

He scribbled something on his notepad and then ripped a piece of paper out that he held out to Donghyuck, like a peace offering. “This is my address. I have my own practice room and it’s a lot more pleasing than this place. Come over Saturday afternoon and I’ll go through the solo parts with you, help you sharpen the moves.”

The surprise must have colored Donghyuck’s face more than he thought.

“Unless of course, you don’t want to compete for the solo part.”

“No! I mean yes! Of course, I want to!” Donghyuck exclaimed. The fact that coach picked him over Jaemin, over Jisung, over all of them. And not just anyone, someone like coach who had trained national champions, seeing something in _him_?

Coach laughed, adjusting his glasses. “But don’t tell the others, hm? We wouldn’t want them to think I’m picking favorites.”

It was the second secret Donghyuck would have to keep from Jaemin. And yet he didn’t feel any guilt, any apprehension. Instead, he felt more alive than he had in his whole life like he could take on the world.

Still, that night Donghyuck couldn’t sleep. He was jittery and it was impossible to tell if it was from the amount of diet coke he had consumed or the excitement that was still coursing through him. Coach’s address had already been copied into his phone, yet he kept the piece of paper folded underneath his pillow. Dangerous, considering Jaemin was his roommate. But it also sent a thrill down his spine.

**_Jaemin_ **

_Hey bitch_

_R u awake_

_I have to show u smth_

Donghyuck had barely drifted to sleep when the sound of his phone made him force his eyes again. Groggily, he registered that it was 2 am and the bed next to him was still vacant. Jaemin hadn’t returned to their room yet.

Sighing, he pulled the curtains back and sure enough spotted Jaemin’s car parked in front of the building. Knowing the only choices were watching over Jaemin or letting him get into trouble alone - which really wasn’t much of a choice at all - he got dressed as fast as possible.

Jaemin’s pupils were blown wide and he kissed Donghyuck on the cheek as soon as he sat down in the front seat, giggling to himself all the while.

“Where were you? Did you drive like this?” Donghyuck asked alarmed.

“Shh, don’t be insane. I met a friend and he told me some very interesting things about our dear coach.” Jaemin sing-sang.

Donghyuck knew something like this would happen. If there’s one thing Jaemin couldn’t tolerate it was someone trying to take his place and daring to order him around. He just didn’t expect Jaemin to act so soon.

“He had an affair.” A Cheshire smile was growing on Jaemin’s face. “With a minor.”

“You’re lying.”

Jaemin pursed his lips. “I’m not lying. Sexual misconduct. The victim killed herself. It’s all in his closed file.”

Donghyuck felt his head spin. But this was Jaemin.

“You’re lying. How would you even get access to that?”

“Well, my dear friend Sargent Kang still owed me a favor. So, I made him pull up coach’s file. Squeakily clean washed with money. But, of course, it’s all a lie. Of course, he’s hiding something. Everyone is.” Jaemin smiled, incredibly pleased with himself.

Donghyuck thought about Coach, his kind eyes, his trust in Donghyuck, the carefully written down address under his pillow.

“You’re lying. You don’t have any proof. Coach would never… He’s not like that.”

“Oh, Donghyuckie.” Jaemin shook his head. “Coach is just a man like any other. You’re hiding something too, I know. All caught up in coach’s web, he’s got you wrapped around his finger. But Donghyuckie, how could you doubt me? Haven’t I always been on your side, hm?” His unsteady gaze was trained on Donghyuck’s face, his fingers grabbing his chin roughly. “You should thank me for warning you. Don’t blame me when you get caught up in something.”

Donghyuck pulled his head back. “You’re not in your right mind.”

He opened the door and stepped out of the car, before turning around one last time, making sure to place a smile on his lips, “When I get caught up in something it’s _always_ your fault, asshole.” Before slamming the door shut behind him.

He kept walking along the road trying to get his head clear, not wanting to return to the dorms and eventually encounter Jaemin again while he was like this. Sighing, he pulled out his phone, staring at the cracks running across the display before finally deciding to call the only person who could pick him up at this hour.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry for calling so suddenly, but can you pick me up at the crossroad near the dorms?”

Mark looked like he had just rolled out of bed too, hair awry and wearing glasses Donghyuck had never seen on him before. Still, he didn’t complain or tease Donghyuck for calling him at this hour, didn’t ask about the last time they saw each other, about them, instead merely turned on the radio on when Donghyuck entered his car. Everything inside was so vastly different from Jaemin’s car – starting with the lack of trash lying around and ending with the guardian angel hanging from the dashboard – Donghyuck couldn’t help but let out a snort.

“Hey, are you laughing at Erica?” Mark fake gasped.

“Erica? The angel has a name?” Donghyuck laughed. “You’re so cute.”

“Uh-Uh. You better respect her or I cannot guarantee your safety in this car.”

“Okay, Okay.” Donghyuck lifted his hands, laughing. “Please keep us safe, Erica.”

“So where do you want your cab to take you tonight?” Mark wiggled his eyebrows.

“I don’t even know,” Donghyuck replied, quietly. “Just away from here.”

“That, I can do.” Mark smiled reassuringly. “Do you want to eat something?”

Donghyuck grimaced. “It’s kinda late. You know being an athlete and having to stay in shape…”

“I don’t think one meal is going to make any difference. And you’re already working yourself so hard… It’s fine if you don’t want to, I just don’t think you should feel guilty, you know?”

“I know. I appreciate it, really.” Donghyuck smiled. “Is there anywhere we can even go at this hour?”

“Well if eating is off the table, there actually is a spot I could show you. If you want to look at the night sky, that is…” Mark scratched his head.

“Sure,” Donghyuck laughed, “Show me the universe, Mark.”

It’s later when they’re sitting down in the grass, chewing on protein bars that Donghyuck reluctantly agreed to eat, when Mark finally asked why Donghyuck called him.

“You don’t have to tell me!” he was quick to add, “I’m just kinda worried you know.”

And it was such a striking difference from everyone else in his life that Donghyuck kind of wanted to cry.

“It’s fine. I think you kind of deserve a reason after coming to pick me up at ass o’clock.” Donghyuck laughed quietly. “I had an argument with my roommate. He said some… things about our new coach and I’m unsure what to believe now.”

“Bad things?” Mark asked.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck nodded, “But you have to understand my roommate is not… he’s not necessarily trustworthy. Jaemin is like an extension of me and I couldn’t imagine my life without him, but I don’t know if I believe him.”

“And your coach? You believe him?”

“I think so. He hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him.” Donghyuck shrugged his shoulders.

“Hm.” Mark wrinkled his forehead in thought, “I think in the end you have to make your own decision; no one can tell you what you should believe if there’s no evidence.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Donghyuck sighed, “and here I thought you would just solve all my problems for me.”

“I’m sorry,” Mark laughed. “Next time.” 

The next morning Jaemin cornered him after he got out of the bathroom. Head cocked and smiling in a way that could only mean trouble.

“Guess what is happening tonight?”

Since it was Friday evening, there really was only one answer.

“You getting shit-faced and going down on the first senior that falls in your lap?”

Jaemin laughed, delighted. “That’s the spirit! You better be there, Donghyuck. You have to see me prove to Jungwoo that _I_ will be the first to fuck our TA.”

The thing with Jungwoo was that he was pretty, and an easy flirt and you didn’t have to worry about choking on poison if you bit into him, by far the safer choice. He was used to drawing attention by a simple sway of his hips and, most importantly, he was the only one older than Jaemin in their team, the only one who could demand seniority from him. Which of course meant that Jaemin wanted to beat him more than anyone else.

Which is how Donghyuck ended up pressed against Jeno on the dancefloor while Jaemin had abandoned him to make his way upstairs as soon as they stepped into the house.

“I’m gonna get more!” Jeno shouted against the bass echoing through the house, gesturing to the glass in his hand.

Donghyuck nodded back, mouth pulled into an easy grin, the rum coke flowing through his veins making the world seem a little more dipped into warmth. He just wanted to stay where he was, world tilting sideways and losing himself in the music.

He huffed a little annoyed as he felt hands grab his hips, pulling him flush against another body.

“Where did your friend go?” a voice murmured into his neck.

“Why? I’m not enough for you?” Donghyuck grinned teasingly and turned around, forcing him to take his hands off him. 

The man before him looked perfectly average, sharp cheekbones and dark eyes. His eyes opened a little in surprise as he regarded Donghyuck up close. How boring.

“I swear I’ve seen you before,” he continued, “pretty face like that is hard to forget.” A group of people behind him laughed, most likely who he had come with.

How easy.

“Is that what you tell everyone?” Donghyuck quirked an eyebrow.

“No, I’m serious! You’re a dancer, right?”

Genuinely pleased, Donghyuck smiled, all teeth. “Yes, I am.”

Before the man could respond, an arm was thrown over Donghyuck’s shoulder and Jeno was leaning into him again.

Even in the barely lit room, Donghyuck could make out the gleam in his eyes. “Let’s give him a show, hm?” Jeno giggled into his ear, holding his glass against Donghyuck’s lips.

Donghyuck tipped back the rest of what appeared to be a bad vodka mix and let Jeno tilt his head, leaning in to taste the cherry lip balm on his lips.

The world became a little fuzzy at the edges but Donghyuck vaguely recognized the sound of people hollering in the background, an arm slung around his waist, his hand fisted into Jeno’s hair.

They pulled away after an eternity or what could have been a few seconds. Donghyuck felt himself reconnect with his own body, painfully aware of his tight shoes and the eyes trained on his body.

What was he doing?

“I’m gonna look for Jaemin,” he said to Jeno, not sure if the other even heard him, already wrapped around Renjun who had just returned from the bathroom.

Upstairs the music was quieter, people sitting down on couches and doing shots while periodically some of them disappeared behind doors.

Annoyed, Donghyuck messaged his temples where a headache was slowly growing. Of course, Jaemin wouldn’t be in the hall, of course.

He kept walking despite how uncomfortable he felt, knocking on door after door, calling out Jaemin’s name.

And Donghyuck thought about that night at the swimming pool. Back then when they still thought things could touch them. Jaemin’s hand pressed against his, fingers gripped tightly as they hurried through the bushes, thorns scratching at his legs. For weeks afterward he would trace the marks they left behind. And he remembered the diving board, how he felt Jaemin’s breath hitch and the tremor in his hands, the moonlight barely illuminating the water before them, making it seem like an endless stretch of nothing. How they took a step forward, falling into darkness.

Something came loose in the back of his throat. Donghyuck could visibly feel himself become more and more agitated - as if he was watching himself from an outsider’s perspective.

It was almost anticlimactic, the way he found him.

Just as Donghyuck had given up on finding him and returned to Jaemin’s car, hands still shaking, he spotted a mob of bleach blond hair. He was sitting on the sidewalk, clothes rumpled, lips stretched into a wide grin.

He laughed when he spotted Donghyuck and made to stand up, but fell back on the ground, too unsteady on his feet.

Snorting, Donghyuck wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s waist and pulled him up with him.

“Where the fuck were you,” he groaned while trying to maneuver Jaemin to his car.

“Hello," Jaemin rolled his head back, still leaning his entire weight on Donghyuck, “winning.”

Donghyuck stumbled slightly forward, bending under the extra 120 pounds. It was then, as he took a break to breathe under the streetlamp that he saw the blood dripping from Jaemin’s mouth.

“Holy shit, Jaemin,” he breathed, eyes unable to look away from the blood on his perfect, unblemished face, “what the fuck happened.”

“Hm? Nothing to concern your pretty little head with,” Jaemin laughed, but it lacked the usual edge, sounded hollow to Donghyuck’s ears.

“What the fuck are we gonna do.”

It wasn’t a question, because Jaemin was barely in a position to answer, unable to stand on his own feet or look Donghyuck into the eyes.

Donghyuck couldn’t drive either. Jeno and Renjun and _Jungwoo_ were out of the question. Jaemin wouldn’t want anyone else to see him like this.

His first instinct was to pull out his phone and call Mark. To say that he was sorry about this, about everything, about how he ruined them, but that it was an emergency. For him to come and solve Donghyuck’s problems as he had promised.

But that was not an option. Mark couldn’t be dragged into this, couldn’t see this side of Donghyuck, the hickeys on his neck, the faraway look in his eyes.

His finger paused on his contacts. There really was only one number he had saved specifically for emergencies. Donghyuck was distinctly aware that this was probably not what coach had meant.

Coach sounded like he had just woken up, voice raspy in a way that was not familiar to Donghyuck. He didn’t ask questions on the phone, only promising to be there as soon as possible.

Forcing himself to take deep breaths, Donghyuck pocketed his phone again. “Everything’s going to be fine.” He said more to himself than Jaemin.

“You’re insane,” Jaemin laughed, immediately choking after the sound left his lips. “If you think I’m gonna get in a car with a fucking predator _.”_

“No? You only go to bed with them?” Donghyuck spat out sharply.

Jaemin started cackling again, arms wrapped around his torso as if that would hold him upright, “Where did the nice Donghyuckie go, huh? And here I thought now that you got a boyfriend you would be going soft on me.”

“Boyfriend?” Donghyuck sounded strained to his own ears.

“Donghyuck and coach sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Jaemin trilled away.

Oh. For some reason, Donghyuck had assumed Jaemin meant Mark.

“I’m sorry for what I said. You know I didn't mean it.”

“Ah, and there he is.” Jaemin smiled, patting Donghyuck’s head. “Good little Donghyuckie.”

The car drive was surprisingly quiet, Donghyuck’s fingers digging into Jaemin’s skin, afraid of what he might say. But Jaemin was almost completely still, gazing out of the window and head leaning on Donghyuck’s shoulder. Donghyuck caught coach’s eyes in the rearview mirror a few times.

When they came to a stop it took Donghyuck a few moments to realize that they were not parked outside the dorms.

Coach must have recognized his bewildered expression because he was quick to turn around and answer Donghyuck’s unspoken question.

“This is my house. I’m sorry, but I feel safer having you both here overnight. You’re pretty drunk and Jaemin...” Coach grimaced. “Who knows what he took. I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you.”

Donghyuck wanted to protest, to ask why coach hadn’t asked them first, but he still felt the ground spin beneath his feet and he silently had to agree with him. He was worried about Jaemin too and having someone sober watch over him was probably a good idea. Besides, he trusted coach.

So, Donghyuck helped move Jaemin to the guest bedroom, his eyes closed and breath even as Donghyuck pulled the sheets over him.

Quietly, Donghyuck closed the door behind him, making sure for the last time that Jaemin was asleep. After he gave himself that moment he stalked through the hallway, steps echoing on the dark parquet. The high white walls raking over his head were completely bare and made him feel much smaller than he was.

He found coach in the kitchen, sitting at the isle and looking at something in front of him. Seeing him leaned over, head in his hands in the middle of the vast and empty room strangely tugged at Donghyuck’s heartstrings. He seemed so different like this when he wasn’t commanding the attention of the whole room. Much less anchored in life. Carefully as if not to spook a scared animal Donghyuck made his way towards him, while taking care not to touch any of the expensive-looking kitchen utensils.

“Coach?” he asked when he came close enough to see that he was holding a picture frame.

“Donghyuck,” Coach blinked as if he had forgotten that Donghyuck was even there. His eyes were clouded over, and even when he looked at Donghyuck, he didn’t seem to really be looking at him.

“I’m sorry, I got caught up a bit in the past,” Coach smiled sadly, “I already told you that you remind me of myself. And Jaemin, well,” Coach’s finger grazed over the picture,” he reminds me of someone that was very dear to me.”

“Oh.” Donghyuck breathed.

“Who were they?” He asked quietly, afraid to shatter whatever this moment was.

“Here, that’s me and him,” Coach gestured to the picture frame in his hands.

Curious, Donghyuck stepped closer to see over Coach’s shoulder. The picture showed a group of boys, wearing matching varsity jackets and smiling at the camera. In the center were two boys that had their arms slung over each other’s shoulder and were looking defiantly at Donghyuck. The smaller one with swept-back hair and piercing eyes was unmistakably coach. And the one cocking his head with a snarl of a mouth had to be…

“Jaeho,” Coach nodded, mouth pulled into a gleaming smile, “he was our captain and the star of the show. You knew it just from the way he walked into a room. That he feared nothing and no one. The world at his feet.”

Coach’s smile faded, his expression clouding over again, “but he was only a person after all. Not inviolable. I think it may have been his greatest mistake, that he believed otherwise.”

“That’s why it scares me to see him in Jaemin. We have to watch out for him, hm?” Donghyuck blinked, trying to make sense of coach’s words.

Coach’s face softened as he studied Donghyuck’s expression. “You must be tired by now. Let’s get you to bed.”

Donghyuck hadn’t even noticed the arm around his waist that was now nudging him towards one of the rooms. He frowned to himself, upset with himself for losing focus.

“I know this place seems vast but there aren’t a lot of actual rooms,” Coach chuckled into his ear, “most of it is just this big hall. Open space is good for more activity and reduces stress or something like that, said the realtor.”

Donghyuck hummed. He had no interest in interior design, but he thought coach’s house was an extraordinarily big space of loneliness.

Coach opened one of the rooms that led to a big room, filled with nothing but a wide double bed, a mirror, and a huge mahogany cabinet that was hiding amidst the similar colored wall.

“I won’t make my guest sleep on the couch so you can take my bed,” Coach said, letting go of Donghyuck and nodding towards the double bed.

Donghyuck was aware that common delicacy and politeness required him to refuse but all he cared about at that moment was the chance to finally close his eyes. He let himself fall down on the mattress and sighed in bliss as he could finally rest his legs.

“Thank you,” he murmured after slipping under the sheets.

And lying there in the dark under the heavy blankets, surrounded by the high barren walls, Donghyuck suddenly thought that it must be a very terrible thing to live in this empty big house and return to this empty big bed every night. He suddenly felt his eyes blur. The last time he cried in front of another person was when he was 12 and his dance teacher told him he could not perform with a broken leg.

“Coach,” he croaked out to the retreating back, “you don’t have to leave, we can share.”

And as he felt the bed dip beneath him he thought that he did a very noble thing, a once-in-a-lifetime heroic act. Distinctly a voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Jaemin was screaming at him.

Donghyuck fell asleep easily, engulfed in warmth.


End file.
